challenges

Twelve Steps to Reduce Stress This Fall

All it takes for most of us is just one more thing and we're overwhelmed. We've tried to create a less complicated life but we're still stressed. Me, too. So I researched and found the twelve best ways to remove stress from your life. First, simplify…

A Simple Life is a Peaceful Life

Simplifying helped me create a more peaceful life. When I was teaching, I worked long hours, ate poorly, and had developed a toxic life.I was full of anxiety, had depression, sleeplessness, headaches and joint pain. There was no room for joy. I needed healthy habits to replace the toxic ones, so I did yoga, learned meditation, and increased my walking and journaling. I retired early. I decluttered my home and donated hundreds of items to charity. I saw a therapist for my anxiety. I ate more vegetables and gave up gluten to reduce my headaches and joint pain. I saw a doctor about sleep apnea and got a machine to help me breathe and sleep better. I followed the serenity prayer~ I let go.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

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For me, stress created illness. Illness is the body's way of telling us to slow down, forgive, or even let go and move on. Here are more steps to help you de-stress.

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Twelve Step to Reduce Stress in Your Mind and Your Home:

  1. Make your health a priority. Is there a doctor's appointment or test you need? Schedule it.
  2. Cancel an Activity. Find one thing on your calendar you can do without. Cross it out.
  3. Start Your Day With Rituals: Keep routines that keep you organized, or in control. Create new ones that are calming. For me, taking my dog out every morning, then returning for my morning coffee are comforting routines.
  4. Pick Your Battles: Families grow and change. Some stages are more stressful. You've set priorities but it's still not working? Sometimes that change must start with us.
  5. Reduce: It's well known that reducing clutter in your home reduces stress. Less stuff=Less to clean.
  6. Schedule Self-Calming Time: Whether it's yoga, meditation, a quiet walk, a good book or a soak in the tub, take time for what calms you. Remember how, before take-off, the stewardess tells parents to put their oxygen masks on first, then the child's? Well, self-calming time is your oxygen mask. Take a breath, relax.
  7. Watch Less: Reduce time spent looking at a screen, especially before bed. Use sound instead of visuals to help you fall asleep. A sound machine, audio book or sleep podcast is a healthier choice.
  8. Follow Less: Unfollow pages or people on social media if their posts give you stress, or just don't give you joy. You can unfollow people and still stay “friends.”
  9. Do Less: Make use of time savers offered by stores and sites. Use curb side pick up for groceries and medications; find meal planning calendars online.
  10. Spend less: If money is your greatest stress, go on a buying freeze, buy only necessities. Check out apps that help you pay down your credit card debt, like Tally, Debt Free, or Credit Card Payoff.
  11. Don't ignore the big problems. Maybe you're considering a big lifestyle change to reduce stress, like leaving a relationship, job or neighborhood. Seek a trusted friend or two to be your sounding board. True friends want to help, don't be afraid to ask. Take steps to talk to a professional, too.
  12. Focus on what you can change. Accept that there are things out of your control, and let them go.

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Conclusion

If you're stressed, it's not your fault. You may need someone to talk to, to help you get through this hard time. Remember, that's what it is: A hard time. A time that will pass. I didn't give up hope and I don't want you to, either. You ARE worth it!

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New Ways to Connect and Support

If this has helped you, please share it with a friend. Also, consider a one-time donation of $5 to “Buy me a Coffee.” Just click on the yellow banner on the right that says, “Buy Me A Coffee.” (scroll down if you're on a cell phone) You'll get a personalized Thank You from me!

What ways you have found to de-stress? Post it in the comments below, or email me at connie@positivelylifeafterfifty.com ~I may share it on my podcast!

Give Yourself the Gift of a Finished Goal

“If a goal is worth having, it’s worth blocking out time in your day-to-day life necessary to achieve it.” Jill Koenig, Top Goals Coach

I love setting goals, and starting goals, but lately when it comes to finishing a goal, I’m a wimp. For example, I can’t even finish one book. Not one! Blame weak eyes or my weird, sneezy reaction to a book’s pages; reading a book is no longer enjoyable. So for me, finishing one is out of the question.

But I can listen. Thanks, Audible.

This week on my walks I’m listening to one of my newest, favorite books; FINISH, Give Yourself the Gift of Done, by Jon Acuff.

I’m walking along, so engrossed in his stories, I’m not even noticing that the weather’s changed and I’ve got a snowy sleet-stuff hitting me in the face. Why? I’m suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling that Acuff was talking directly to me. (As if I’m the only one in the world with the problem of finishing goals, right?)

But Acuff is using words and emotions I’m very familiar with, like perfectionism, failure, and self-sabotage.  And I’m realizing how much time I'm wasting on things that look like they are related to my goals, but are in fact steering me away from the real focus of my goals. I'm not taking bad things; I'm talking things that can wait or even be eliminated from my life until a goal is met. For example, most email can wait, as well as the latest news stories or social media. And I know I’m not the only one who uses household chores as an excuse to avoid working on a goal. I also know some things can't wait — like one’s own health, children, or job responsibilities. Those things demand our immediate attention, and rightly so.

But across the history of civilization, its our goals that move us forward.

Or backward.

Like potato chips.

Have you ever tried to use a little reward to help you meet your goals? Have they ever backfired? I have. Take health, for example.

Just recently it’s become apparent that I need to eliminate high sodium foods from my diet. So what’s the first thing I crave? That opened bag of potato chips my husband left in the pantry. It seems like just thinking about depriving myself of salt has triggered some weird switch in my head that says I must have those salty chips. So when it comes to food, I may need a different kind of reward.

Goal rewards are based on fun or fear.

A reward based on fear is like this: I don’t want to get heart disease (a fear), so I will get 30 minutes of exercise five times a week (a goal). Rewards based on fear do work.

I cut gluten out of my diet because of fear. I feared I would continue to live miserably with hives, welts, and painful inflammation. You can read about it in the link below.

But a much more enjoyable reward is one based on fun. Fun can mean different things to different people. To me, fun means something that brings joy, and since I’m writing this in December, the one thing that brings me joy are the festive holiday lights.

So on this dark, gloomy winter day, my goal is to write 500 words before I can turn on three sets of Christmas lights in my home. But instantly, I’m defeated. Five hundred words?

Suddenly, that sounds like a LOT of words to write. I’m reminded of how often I’ve failed before—like with the potato chips.

It's called self-sabotaging, and I do it so much I fail to even recognize it. But that's just another way we keep ourselves from finishing goals. Like instantly thinking your goal isn’t attainable.

So…CHANGE IT, change the goal. Cut it in half, or more if you need to, make it attainable! For me, that means I’ll chop my goal down to 50 words, then light up one set of lights…write 50 more, turn on more lights, etc.

Sounds trivial? Hear me out.

I’ve now typed over way my goal of 50 words

What’s that you say? It’s not anything special, just another blog post? Now you're getting personal. Not for me, but for you. Because when you set your own goals and rewards, they don’t have to be earth-shattering or life-changing.

They’re YOUR goals: YOU make the rules.

So what’s your goal and reward for today? You choose.

Then cut it in half.

NOW you’re ready to go for it!

And to prove it’s possible, here are my 500 800 words!

Excuse me while I go enjoy my pretty lights…

Changes, Choices, and Challenges -Episode 1

Life After Fifty – New Beginnings- Changes, Choices, and Challenges

Welcome to the premier podcast of an informative, inspiring series for those of us in our forties, fifties and beyond. In this episode, you will meet the host, Connie Minnell,  and look at the choices and challenges we are met with at this age. The two points discussed are: “The only guarantee in life is change, how you respond to it is your choice.” and “Find unusual ways to stay positive – like going OUTSIDE your comfort zone.”

Quotes:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. ~Abraham Lincoln

“have a purpose — your family, your work, your community. There may be no better longevity booster than simply wanting to be here. You have one life; it makes sense to love living it.” Dr. Mehmet Oz

Links mentioned in the show:

Changing Course: Navigating Life After Fifty      book by William A. Sadler, Ph.D. and James H. Krefft, Ph.D.

MSNBC anchor Dylan Ratigan gives up fame and fortune to become a farmer     Mother Nature Network article on Dylan Ratigan

Living Long and Living Well         Dr.   Mehmet Oz's Article

 

 

Having a Positive Life at Any Age

 

Ever notice how the new people hired at work seem to be getting younger and younger but the face in the mirror doesn't?

Are you nearing age 50 or have already passed it and you've noticed that the voice in your head is changing from “ I’ve got plenty of time to do that” or I’ve got my whole life ahead of me” to “How is it I REALLY want to spend the rest of my life?”

Or maybe your looking for some positive motivation and inspiration on how to become a better you at any age. Are you thinking you’d like to contribute more to the world around you but don’t know how to fit it in to your busy life? Or has life become so complicated because of problems at work, with your family,or your health and you don’t know where to turn? Maybe you've lost your job or are worried about losing your job, or want ideas on how to gain focus and strength but lose some of the stress that has become a constant companion.  Worried about your aging parents and their abilities or disabilities, or maybe about keeping your own mind sharp?  Perhaps you've just gone through a life altering event, or someone you love has experienced health issues, and its made you rethink and redefine what true success means to you.

My name is Connie Minnell, and I'm truly grateful that you are visiting here today. This is so exciting and rewarding, but I'll also admit, for me to even get to this point of delivering this to you has been overwhelming, challenging and …..intimidating! I mean,  Abraham Lincoln said it best, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” Well, here I am doing just that– speaking out!

But I’m speaking out because it seemed that no one else was —I couldn't find what I was looking for in a helpful podcast and website for people in midlife. I was looking for a podcast to motivate me to become a better person all around – INCLUDING physically, mentally, and spiritually. Sure there are lots of websites and podcasts that address many issues separately, but I couldn’t find one central location where someone in midlife could find all these things in one place. A place that provides helpful research, interviews with specialists and with courageous people who have accomplished great things in their forties, fifties, and beyond; a place with inspiring words of wisdom from people who have “been there”. I needed to know that there positively is life after fifty!

Today, I'm going to tell you a bit about myself, and then I'd like to look at two ideas that changed my life's story and I believe can make a positive impact on the next chapters of your life, as well. Like many of you, I am reminded daily that we all have but one life, an undetermined amount of years to pursue our dreams before either our heart or our mind quits working, one chance to show the ones dear to us how much we care about them, one chance to make a difference on future generations.

Currently, I am reaching those future generations. I'm an elementary school teacher in a public school, a job that I love and have dedicated my life to. Through those years, I have learned how the children, parents and often-times, grandparents cope with the harsh realities of life. My love of helping others through teaching is in fact, one of the reasons why I wanted to start a podcast –To help bring a positive influence to people who are in the middle chapters of their lives. My desire is to help people, and myself, make sense of this time of life that brings such changes and uncertainty. Teaching and learning goes to the very core of who I am.

Now I said earlier that I was going to include two ideas that recently made a big change in my life, so here they are:

Point #1: The only guarantee in life is change, how you respond to it is your choice

Big changes do happen in your life – weather they happened by your choice or not – and these changes are always are intimidating in the beginning. Yet there is nothing more sure in life than change. Children, plans, dreams, people—they all change. Most of the time change isn't a bad thing, but inevitably – it is a hard thing. That's when you need the help of friends, of family, of professionals, all who are there for you to listen, guide, and hold out a helping hand.

 When faced with changes, it's easy to have your mind fill with doubts and negative thoughts.

But don't allow your mind to be overpowered with words of negativity: A simple, light-hearted example of that is the phrase “Over the Hill” –Americans are fond of throwing “Over the Hill” parties when people have their milestone birthdays of turning 30 -40 and 50 years old—-“Over the Hill” is a tongue-in-cheek term used frequently in the US and abroad –which means you are past your prime. As a matter of fact, according to the latest report from the CDC (the Center for Disease Control. The average life expectancy in the US is 78.7 years. Does that mean “the top of the hill” would be just a few months past age 39? So by age forty, we're already beginning the downhill slide? Well then, what's fifty and beyond?

That's what I hope to help us define- or better yet, to help society RE-define- what getting older looks like. You've heard all those depressing “D” words that USED to describe life after fifty — downhill, decline, difficulties, degeneration and disease, this group of D words was compiled by authors Dr. William Sadler, and Dr. James Krefft, from their book Changing Course Navigating life after Fifty.

Instead of allowing our focus to concentrate on the D words, lets try replacing them with “RE” words worthy of our 21st century world of positive living—or at least the knowledge of healthy living:

Words like renewal, reinvention, rejuvenation, redirection and regeneration —–these from Dr's Sadler and Kreft—- and another one I'd like to add – re-career.

We've all heard stories of people we know who retire to a life of leisure, some of my own relatives included, only to enjoy that life for a few short years, just like we all know of someone who kept working –volunteering—busy—far into their eighties or nineties. Dr. Mehmet Oz addresses this in the article “Living Long and Living Well” – Dr. Oz states: “have a purpose — your family, your work, your community. There may be no better longevity booster than simply wanting to be here. You have one life; it makes sense to love living it.”

Point #2: Find unusual ways to stay positive – like going OUTSIDE your comfort zone

Staying positive could mean taking on a challenge and going outside your comfort zone. I experienced that recently by signing up for a class . Now , I'm a life long learner, so taking another class was definitely within my comfort zone. But this was just ANY class, this was an online class- never did that before – and it was a class that taught all about podcasting- something that didn't even exist a few years ago.

Learning podcast production has taken me far outside my comfort zone, but an amazing thing happened: I began to notice little things: Like, I didn't seem as tired after putting in the usual long day at work, my energy became renewed, my spirit was revived, my life seemed to be regenerating. I was becoming more positive just by being challenged and putting myself out there.

Taking this course seems like a small step, but many people out there are taking giant leaps—

For example, in a report on the Mother Nature Network by Melissa Breyer, the celebrity MSNBC's star cable news anchor and best-selling author Dylaln Ratigan took a giant leap of faith. He gave up a powerful career, sold his Porsche and Manhatten, New York loft, moved 3,000 miles across the United States to the west coast, and bought land with an old log cabin that he now lives in. Ratigan then used his own assets to start a hydroponic organic vegetable farm, and is in the process of creating a network of greenhouses cared for and run by veterans. These vets are gaining new skills and a new lease on life. Dylan Ratigan re-careered and seems to be very passionate about his new life.  Moving through fear takes courage, but it means you're moving, you’re alive! Maybe its time to pursue some dreams, maybe its time to let go of others and make new ones. 

Please subscribe to my feed, because we'll be hearing from some amazing people who have taken giant leaps of faith in the act of reinventing themselves in the second half of their lives.

During the following days until my next episode, I'd like for you to remember these two words that are intertwined; challenges, and choices. Each choice brings challenges, and every challenge has its choices.

If you have read this far, then I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart. I encourage you not to miss out when I have a new post or a new podcast. And while you're here, please leave a comment, questions, or tell me what topic you’d like to have discussed in future podcasts. CLICK HERE to leave a message.

Thank you so much for joining me today, and remember, there is Positively Life After Fifty!