What I Never Wanted To Do

Forward: During the pandemic, I began a journal titled “500 Words From the Porch.” I intended to sit on my back porch and write 500 words a day for 500 days. To date, I've only written 25 entries. However, just yesterday I added this new story I think everyone should read. 

From 500 Words From The Porch: What I Never Wanted To Do

A cold, misty day in March is not a great time to visit a cemetery, but choices had to be made.

Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might…

—Ernest Hemingway

Feeling Alive Again

Finally! It's warm enough to sit on the porch with my laptop. I feel so alive when I’m writing from my favorite place, especially on this peaceful evening in April. The robins have returned and are chirping from the tulip tree. Cardinals sing from the feeder near the porch. In the distance, a long whistle calls from a passing train. This is my retirement in a small town. 

I’m so thankful I've lived to enjoy retirement: My older brother didn’t. Cancer took him years ago, in early spring. He wasn’t prepared to go. Recently my husband lost his brother. He wasn't ready either. Am I?

I feel the need to prepare for my “after.” You know—after retirement is over and my “post-retirement,” begins. Not that I plan on dying anytime soon, but in order to “Try as much as possible to be wholly alive,” I need to get some things in order. I’ve seen what happens to families when final arrangements are put off until it’s too late. I don’t want this happening in my family.

Making Decisions Today Helps Our Loved Ones Tomorrow

A few weeks ago, my husband and I set out to do what we should have done years ago; get prepared now while we still can. Here's a list of what we've done so far. I'll be adding to the list as we progress.

  1. Update Wills, Power of Health and other lawyer-ish things
  2. Make sure all financial documents have correct beneficiary names
  3. Make sure our adult children know where to find important information (accounts, insurance, etc.)
  4. Purge clutter from our home so they have less to sort through
  5. Assemble general information to be used in our obituaries (dates, schools attended, family names, etc.)
  6. And then together we did what I never wanted to do, we went shopping for cemetery plots*. 

*We chose plots, but there are many options for one's final wishes. I respect everyone’s decisions on these choices. It’s a very personal choice only you can make. In fact, there’s only one wrong choice: Do nothing.

Plot Plodding

It's a cold, gray day in March when we set out to shop for our post-retirement real estate. My husband wants to visit the cemetery after a major storm because, he says, it’s the best time to see the areas with the best drainage. I’ll admit, this particular cemetery does have a few drainage issues, but nothing major. So I pull on my worst shoes-but best for soggy plot plodding-and off we go. 

When you slog through a cemetery after FOUR inches of spring rain, you quickly realize where you don’t want your gravestone placed. Our feet sink into the saturated turf with every step but still we squish along, looking for the high ground and avoiding the low, pooling areas. I’m thinking, “What am I doing out here?” 

To hurry things along, I tell him that the wet spots aren’t so bad. Sure they look bad now, but they’ll have the greenest grass come summer.  It didn’t work. He goes to a monument that is sinking and uneven, “I don’t want that happening to ours. It costs to have those re-leveled, you know.” He doesn’t want our children to have to pay for the leveling when we’re gone. I agree. 

A cold, somber rain starts to fall. In a cemetery, all rain is somber, right? Anyway, I’m ready for this decision to be over. We narrow it down to two different spots on well drained ground. I nix the one too close to a rubbish bin. We both agree to buy the other, climb into the car, and return home.

Doing The Hard Thing

Sometimes doing the right thing means doing the hard thing, so we can get on with enjoying life.

~Connie Minnell

Decisions regarding your own death aren't fun to make, or even talk about. It's easier if you can do it before illness strikes you. Take time discuss your preferences with your family.

PostScript: We later learned from a cemetery advisor that monuments are prone to sink when installed too soon after a burial. She pointed to a crooked headstone, “That one was placed just three months after a burial. Three months isn’t enough time to allow the ground to settle. Six months to a year is better.” She added, “That allows the soil time to stabilize so the stone stays level when installed.” Always,  haste makes waste.

The End is Just The Beginning

~On the porch , I've finished writing. The sun has set, the day is over… but life is not. A new season is just around the corner, and it's time to make the most of every day!

National Podcast Post Month Challenge


Feel like a challenge? I do! I'm not running a marathon or climbing a mountain, but I might as well be! This episode marks the first of the 30 day challenge where I podcast every day for the month of November. I'm accepting the challenge at #NaPodPoMo to become a better podcaster, and to help celebrate the 10 year anniversary of the “birth” of podcasting!

You can join me! It doesn't have to be in podcasting, unless that's a goal you have, too. No, just think about this…has there been something you've been wanting to learn, a goal you've put off achieving? Well, do something positive for yourself, something that inspires you to be a better you…commit to taking your own challenge as I take on mine. Do that for the next 30 days and positively change the direction of your life.

We can do this!

Quotes included:

One day you will thank yourself for never giving up. Unknown

Set a goal SO BIG you can't achieve it…until you turn into to the person who CAN. Unknown

 

Three Simple Things That Blessed My Grief


Some of the hardest times in life are also some of the most difficult times to be a friend. What can you do to help a family who is caring for a terminally ill loved one? I've lost family members recently and being on the receiving end of this compassion has left me with a heart full of gratitude. Today I'll share the most precious gifts my friends gave, and what you can do to help those going through heart-breaking times.

Every day on my drive to work, I would see a sculpture of eight arrows, seven of which were pointing down and the eighth on pointing up. Curious about it, I found out that the artist titled it, “Seven Down, Eight Up.”
It is based on a Japenese saying, “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.” This sculpture was inspirational to me each time I drove by it.
The reason why I am telling you this story is because it took me eight times to finally record this episode! But I eventually got it accomplished because my mom always said: “Never give up.”
I've had my mom on my mind a lot lately. In fact, that's the reason why I have been away from the microphone for several weeks. My mother passed away recently. I've tried to let you know what's going on, but I couldn't make it through an entire recording without breaking down. Sometimes the grief is just too fresh to share it with the world. I eventually will, but for now, I just wanted to let you know that I now have my “arrows” pointed in the right direction! And more than anything else, I want to be here for you and help you find the end to those “downward facing arrows” in your life.

Sometimes you have to reach some of the lowest points in your life before you can rebuild yourself into the person that you've always wanted to become. I believe that when you begin to focus on bringing positive peace into your life, you will see it happen.

This week I want to share with you the things that blessed me during the days leading up to my mother's death.

Three things that you can do to bring comfort to a grieving family:

1. Food is more than comfort, it's essential. My friends offered to send meals, but I kept trying to “be strong.” Finally, nearly broken after many days of very little sleep, I asked them to bring meals. Their response was immediate, and even though I didn't think I had an appetite, the food tasted amazing!
Another thing I found is that paper products are a must-have. Normally I'm not a “disposable” product user, but when a loved one is terminally ill, I would rather be spending time with family than in the kitchen any day. Here are just a few helpful items:
Paper towels and plates, wet wipes, tissues, (there were lots of tears) and even toilet paper (there were lots of visitors in the house;)
2. Ask questions, but accept the answers that they can give you at the time. Whether we're on the asking or the telling end, we are there to offer kindness, caring, and support.
3. When you visit, take a memory to share. Is there a story that you can tell the family member that exemplifies how special their loved one is/was? Heartfelt stories and memories are priceless to the grieving family.

One more thing I want to add:

Everyone grieves differently according to their upbringing, how close or estranged they were to the deceased, and even according to where they are in life right now. How someone handles the death of a loved one, or how he or she responds to any grievous situation, is a highly personal issue. Our differences make us who we are, but we are also the same: We all have people we love and people we miss who are gone from us. Realizing that made it easier for me to accept the many different reactions to death.

No matter what you're facing today, remember to never give up. Whatever positive thing you want in your life, don't give up.

If there's someone you can visit today, or send a card, or give a call, please do that: Your heart will be so much fuller, and they will have received such a gift from hearing from you. You'll bring something positive into your life AND someone else's.
Until next time keep looking up but never GIVE up!

Quotes:
“It's in you pain that God is closest to you.”
~Pastor Rick Warren

“We underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, or the smallest act of caring. All of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
~Leo Buscaglia

Website: Positively Life After Fifty

email: connie@positivelylifeafterfifty.com

 

Check out this episode!

Having a Positive Life at Any Age

 

Ever notice how the new people hired at work seem to be getting younger and younger but the face in the mirror doesn't?

Are you nearing age 50 or have already passed it and you've noticed that the voice in your head is changing from “ I’ve got plenty of time to do that” or I’ve got my whole life ahead of me” to “How is it I REALLY want to spend the rest of my life?”

Or maybe your looking for some positive motivation and inspiration on how to become a better you at any age. Are you thinking you’d like to contribute more to the world around you but don’t know how to fit it in to your busy life? Or has life become so complicated because of problems at work, with your family,or your health and you don’t know where to turn? Maybe you've lost your job or are worried about losing your job, or want ideas on how to gain focus and strength but lose some of the stress that has become a constant companion.  Worried about your aging parents and their abilities or disabilities, or maybe about keeping your own mind sharp?  Perhaps you've just gone through a life altering event, or someone you love has experienced health issues, and its made you rethink and redefine what true success means to you.

My name is Connie Minnell, and I'm truly grateful that you are visiting here today. This is so exciting and rewarding, but I'll also admit, for me to even get to this point of delivering this to you has been overwhelming, challenging and …..intimidating! I mean,  Abraham Lincoln said it best, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” Well, here I am doing just that– speaking out!

But I’m speaking out because it seemed that no one else was —I couldn't find what I was looking for in a helpful podcast and website for people in midlife. I was looking for a podcast to motivate me to become a better person all around – INCLUDING physically, mentally, and spiritually. Sure there are lots of websites and podcasts that address many issues separately, but I couldn’t find one central location where someone in midlife could find all these things in one place. A place that provides helpful research, interviews with specialists and with courageous people who have accomplished great things in their forties, fifties, and beyond; a place with inspiring words of wisdom from people who have “been there”. I needed to know that there positively is life after fifty!

Today, I'm going to tell you a bit about myself, and then I'd like to look at two ideas that changed my life's story and I believe can make a positive impact on the next chapters of your life, as well. Like many of you, I am reminded daily that we all have but one life, an undetermined amount of years to pursue our dreams before either our heart or our mind quits working, one chance to show the ones dear to us how much we care about them, one chance to make a difference on future generations.

Currently, I am reaching those future generations. I'm an elementary school teacher in a public school, a job that I love and have dedicated my life to. Through those years, I have learned how the children, parents and often-times, grandparents cope with the harsh realities of life. My love of helping others through teaching is in fact, one of the reasons why I wanted to start a podcast –To help bring a positive influence to people who are in the middle chapters of their lives. My desire is to help people, and myself, make sense of this time of life that brings such changes and uncertainty. Teaching and learning goes to the very core of who I am.

Now I said earlier that I was going to include two ideas that recently made a big change in my life, so here they are:

Point #1: The only guarantee in life is change, how you respond to it is your choice

Big changes do happen in your life – weather they happened by your choice or not – and these changes are always are intimidating in the beginning. Yet there is nothing more sure in life than change. Children, plans, dreams, people—they all change. Most of the time change isn't a bad thing, but inevitably – it is a hard thing. That's when you need the help of friends, of family, of professionals, all who are there for you to listen, guide, and hold out a helping hand.

 When faced with changes, it's easy to have your mind fill with doubts and negative thoughts.

But don't allow your mind to be overpowered with words of negativity: A simple, light-hearted example of that is the phrase “Over the Hill” –Americans are fond of throwing “Over the Hill” parties when people have their milestone birthdays of turning 30 -40 and 50 years old—-“Over the Hill” is a tongue-in-cheek term used frequently in the US and abroad –which means you are past your prime. As a matter of fact, according to the latest report from the CDC (the Center for Disease Control. The average life expectancy in the US is 78.7 years. Does that mean “the top of the hill” would be just a few months past age 39? So by age forty, we're already beginning the downhill slide? Well then, what's fifty and beyond?

That's what I hope to help us define- or better yet, to help society RE-define- what getting older looks like. You've heard all those depressing “D” words that USED to describe life after fifty — downhill, decline, difficulties, degeneration and disease, this group of D words was compiled by authors Dr. William Sadler, and Dr. James Krefft, from their book Changing Course Navigating life after Fifty.

Instead of allowing our focus to concentrate on the D words, lets try replacing them with “RE” words worthy of our 21st century world of positive living—or at least the knowledge of healthy living:

Words like renewal, reinvention, rejuvenation, redirection and regeneration —–these from Dr's Sadler and Kreft—- and another one I'd like to add – re-career.

We've all heard stories of people we know who retire to a life of leisure, some of my own relatives included, only to enjoy that life for a few short years, just like we all know of someone who kept working –volunteering—busy—far into their eighties or nineties. Dr. Mehmet Oz addresses this in the article “Living Long and Living Well” – Dr. Oz states: “have a purpose — your family, your work, your community. There may be no better longevity booster than simply wanting to be here. You have one life; it makes sense to love living it.”

Point #2: Find unusual ways to stay positive – like going OUTSIDE your comfort zone

Staying positive could mean taking on a challenge and going outside your comfort zone. I experienced that recently by signing up for a class . Now , I'm a life long learner, so taking another class was definitely within my comfort zone. But this was just ANY class, this was an online class- never did that before – and it was a class that taught all about podcasting- something that didn't even exist a few years ago.

Learning podcast production has taken me far outside my comfort zone, but an amazing thing happened: I began to notice little things: Like, I didn't seem as tired after putting in the usual long day at work, my energy became renewed, my spirit was revived, my life seemed to be regenerating. I was becoming more positive just by being challenged and putting myself out there.

Taking this course seems like a small step, but many people out there are taking giant leaps—

For example, in a report on the Mother Nature Network by Melissa Breyer, the celebrity MSNBC's star cable news anchor and best-selling author Dylaln Ratigan took a giant leap of faith. He gave up a powerful career, sold his Porsche and Manhatten, New York loft, moved 3,000 miles across the United States to the west coast, and bought land with an old log cabin that he now lives in. Ratigan then used his own assets to start a hydroponic organic vegetable farm, and is in the process of creating a network of greenhouses cared for and run by veterans. These vets are gaining new skills and a new lease on life. Dylan Ratigan re-careered and seems to be very passionate about his new life.  Moving through fear takes courage, but it means you're moving, you’re alive! Maybe its time to pursue some dreams, maybe its time to let go of others and make new ones. 

Please subscribe to my feed, because we'll be hearing from some amazing people who have taken giant leaps of faith in the act of reinventing themselves in the second half of their lives.

During the following days until my next episode, I'd like for you to remember these two words that are intertwined; challenges, and choices. Each choice brings challenges, and every challenge has its choices.

If you have read this far, then I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart. I encourage you not to miss out when I have a new post or a new podcast. And while you're here, please leave a comment, questions, or tell me what topic you’d like to have discussed in future podcasts. CLICK HERE to leave a message.

Thank you so much for joining me today, and remember, there is Positively Life After Fifty!