Forward: During the pandemic, I began a journal titled “500 Words From the Porch.” I intended to sit on my back porch and write 500 words a day for 500 days. To date, I've only written 25 entries. However, just yesterday I added this new story I think everyone should read.
From 500 Words From The Porch: What I Never Wanted To Do
Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might…
—Ernest Hemingway
Feeling Alive Again
Finally! It's warm enough to sit on the porch with my laptop. I feel so alive when I’m writing from my favorite place, especially on this peaceful evening in April. The robins have returned and are chirping from the tulip tree. Cardinals sing from the feeder near the porch. In the distance, a long whistle calls from a passing train. This is my retirement in a small town.
I’m so thankful I've lived to enjoy retirement: My older brother didn’t. Cancer took him years ago, in early spring. He wasn’t prepared to go. Recently my husband lost his brother. He wasn't ready either. Am I?
I feel the need to prepare for my “after.” You know—after retirement is over and my “post-retirement,” begins. Not that I plan on dying anytime soon, but in order to “Try as much as possible to be wholly alive,” I need to get some things in order. I’ve seen what happens to families when final arrangements are put off until it’s too late. I don’t want this happening in my family.
Making Decisions Today Helps Our Loved Ones Tomorrow
A few weeks ago, my husband and I set out to do what we should have done years ago; get prepared now while we still can. Here's a list of what we've done so far. I'll be adding to the list as we progress.
- Update Wills, Power of Health and other lawyer-ish things
- Make sure all financial documents have correct beneficiary names
- Make sure our adult children know where to find important information (accounts, insurance, etc.)
- Purge clutter from our home so they have less to sort through
- Assemble general information to be used in our obituaries (dates, schools attended, family names, etc.)
- And then together we did what I never wanted to do, we went shopping for cemetery plots*.
*We chose plots, but there are many options for one's final wishes. I respect everyone’s decisions on these choices. It’s a very personal choice only you can make. In fact, there’s only one wrong choice: Do nothing.
Plot Plodding
It's a cold, gray day in March when we set out to shop for our post-retirement real estate. My husband wants to visit the cemetery after a major storm because, he says, it’s the best time to see the areas with the best drainage. I’ll admit, this particular cemetery does have a few drainage issues, but nothing major. So I pull on my worst shoes-but best for soggy plot plodding-and off we go.
When you slog through a cemetery after FOUR inches of spring rain, you quickly realize where you don’t want your gravestone placed. Our feet sink into the saturated turf with every step but still we squish along, looking for the high ground and avoiding the low, pooling areas. I’m thinking, “What am I doing out here?”
To hurry things along, I tell him that the wet spots aren’t so bad. Sure they look bad now, but they’ll have the greenest grass come summer. It didn’t work. He goes to a monument that is sinking and uneven, “I don’t want that happening to ours. It costs to have those re-leveled, you know.” He doesn’t want our children to have to pay for the leveling when we’re gone. I agree.
A cold, somber rain starts to fall. In a cemetery, all rain is somber, right? Anyway, I’m ready for this decision to be over. We narrow it down to two different spots on well drained ground. I nix the one too close to a rubbish bin. We both agree to buy the other, climb into the car, and return home.
Doing The Hard Thing
Sometimes doing the right thing means doing the hard thing, so we can get on with enjoying life.
~Connie Minnell
Decisions regarding your own death aren't fun to make, or even talk about. It's easier if you can do it before illness strikes you. Take time discuss your preferences with your family.
PostScript: We later learned from a cemetery advisor that monuments are prone to sink when installed too soon after a burial. She pointed to a crooked headstone, “That one was placed just three months after a burial. Three months isn’t enough time to allow the ground to settle. Six months to a year is better.” She added, “That allows the soil time to stabilize so the stone stays level when installed.” Always, haste makes waste.
The End is Just The Beginning
~On the porch , I've finished writing. The sun has set, the day is over… but life is not. A new season is just around the corner, and it's time to make the most of every day!