Forward: During the pandemic, I began a journal titled “500 Words From the Porch.” I intended to sit on my back porch and write 500 words a day for 500 days. To date, I’ve only written 25 entries. However, just yesterday I added this new story I think everyone should read. 

From 500 Words From The Porch: What I Never Wanted To Do

Feeling Alive Again

Finally! It’s warm enough to sit on the porch with my laptop. I feel so alive when I’m writing from my favorite place, especially on this peaceful evening in April. The robins have returned and are chirping from the tulip tree. Cardinals sing from the feeder near the porch. In the distance, a long whistle calls from a passing train. This is my retirement in a small town. 

I’m so thankful I’ve lived to enjoy retirement: My older brother didn’t. Cancer took him years ago, in early spring. He wasn’t prepared to go. Recently my husband lost his brother. He wasn’t ready either. Am I?

I feel the need to prepare for my “after.” You know—after retirement is over and my “post-retirement,” begins. Not that I plan on dying anytime soon, but in order to “Try as much as possible to be wholly alive,” I need to get some things in order. I’ve seen what happens to families when final arrangements are put off until it’s too late. I don’t want this happening in my family.

Making Decisions Today Helps Our Loved Ones Tomorrow

A few weeks ago, my husband and I set out to do what we should have done years ago; get prepared now while we still can. Here’s a list of what we’ve done so far. I’ll be adding to the list as we progress.

1. Update Wills, Power of Health and other lawyer-ish things
2. Make sure all financial documents have correct beneficiary names
3. Make sure our adult children know where to find important information (accounts, insurance, etc.)
4. Purge clutter from our home so they have less to sort through
5. Assemble general information to be used in our obituaries (dates, schools attended, family names, etc.)
6. And then together we did what I never wanted to do, we went shopping for cemetery plots*. 

*We chose plots, but there are many options for one’s final wishes. I respect everyone’s decisions on these choices. It’s a very personal choice only you can make. In fact, there’s only one wrong choice: Do nothing.

Plot Plodding

It’s a cold, gray day in March when we set out to shop for our post-retirement real estate. My husband wants to visit the cemetery after a major storm because, he says, it’s the best time to see the areas with the best drainage. I’ll admit, this particular cemetery does have a few drainage issues, but nothing major. So I pull on my worst shoes-but best for soggy plot plodding-and off we go. 

When you slog through a cemetery after FOUR inches of spring rain, you quickly realize where you don’t want your gravestone placed. Our feet sink into the saturated turf with every step but still we squish along, looking for the high ground and avoiding the low, pooling areas. I’m thinking, “What am I doing out here?” 

To hurry things along, I tell him that the wet spots aren’t so bad. Sure they look bad now, but they’ll have the greenest grass come summer.  It didn’t work. He goes to a monument that is sinking and uneven, “I don’t want that happening to ours. It costs to have those re-leveled, you know.” He doesn’t want our children to have to pay for the leveling when we’re gone. I agree. 

A cold, somber rain starts to fall. In a cemetery, all rain is somber, right? Anyway, I’m ready for this decision to be over. We narrow it down to two different spots on well drained ground. I nix the one too close to a rubbish bin. We both agree to buy the other, climb into the car, and return home.

Doing The Hard Thing

Sometimes doing the right thing means doing the hard thing, so we can get on with enjoying life.

~Connie Minnell

Decisions regarding your own death aren’t fun to make, or even talk about. It’s easier if you can do it before illness strikes you. Take time discuss your preferences with your family.

PostScript: We later learned from a cemetery advisor that monuments are prone to sink when installed too soon after a burial. She pointed to a crooked headstone, “That one was placed just three months after a burial. Three months isn’t enough time to allow the ground to settle. Six months to a year is better.” She added, “That allows the soil time to stabilize so the stone stays level when installed.” Always,  haste makes waste.

The End is Just The Beginning

~On the porch , I’ve finished writing. The sun has set, the day is over… but life is not. A new season is just around the corner, and it’s time to make the most of every day!

All it takes for most of us is just one more thing and we’re overwhelmed. We’ve tried to create a less complicated life but we’re still stressed. Me, too. So I researched and found the twelve best ways to remove stress from your life. First, simplify…

A Simple Life is a Peaceful Life

Simplifying helped me create a more peaceful life. When I was teaching, I worked long hours, ate poorly, and had developed a toxic life.I was full of anxiety, had depression, sleeplessness, headaches and joint pain. There was no room for joy. I needed healthy habits to replace the toxic ones, so I did yoga, learned meditation, and increased my walking and journaling. I retired early. I decluttered my home and donated hundreds of items to charity. I saw a therapist for my anxiety. I ate more vegetables and gave up gluten to reduce my headaches and joint pain. I saw a doctor about sleep apnea and got a machine to help me breathe and sleep better. I followed the serenity prayer~ I let go.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

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For me, stress created illness. Illness is the body’s way of telling us to slow down, forgive, or even let go and move on. Here are more steps to help you de-stress.

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Twelve Step to Reduce Stress in Your Mind and Your Home:

1. Make your health a priority. Is there a doctor’s appointment or test you need? Schedule it.
2. Cancel an Activity. Find one thing on your calendar you can do without. Cross it out.
3. Start Your Day With Rituals: Keep routines that keep you organized, or in control. Create new ones that are calming. For me, taking my dog out every morning, then returning for my morning coffee are comforting routines.
4. Pick Your Battles: Families grow and change. Some stages are more stressful. You’ve set priorities but it’s still not working? Sometimes that change must start with us.
5. Reduce: It’s well known that reducing clutter in your home reduces stress. Less stuff=Less to clean.
6. Schedule Self-Calming Time: Whether it’s meditation with the Bible, a quiet walk, a cup of tea, or a soak in the tub, take time for what calms you. Remember how, before take-off, the stewardess tells parents to put their oxygen masks on first, then the child’s? Well, self-calming time is your oxygen mask. Take a breath, relax.
7. Watch Less: Reduce time spent looking at a screen, especially before bed. Use sound instead of visuals to help you fall asleep. A sound machine, audio book or sleep podcast is a healthier choice.
8. Follow Less: Unfollow pages or people on social media if their posts give you stress, or just don’t give you joy. You can unfollow people and still stay “friends.”
9. Do Less: Make use of time savers offered by stores and sites. Use curb side pick up for groceries and medications; find meal planning calendars online.
10. Spend less: If money is your greatest stress, go on a buying freeze, buy only necessities. Check out apps that help you pay down your credit card debt, like Tally, Debt Free, or Credit Card Payoff.
11. Don’t ignore the big problems. Maybe you’re considering a big lifestyle change to reduce stress, like leaving a relationship, job or neighborhood. Seek a trusted friend or two to be your sounding board. True friends want to help, don’t be afraid to ask. Take steps to talk to a professional, too.
12. Focus on what you can change. Accept that there are things out of your control, and let them go.

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Conclusion

If you’re stressed, it’s not your fault. You may need someone to talk to, to help you get through this hard time. Remember, that’s what it is: A hard time. A time that will pass. I didn’t give up hope and I don’t want you to, either. You ARE worth it!

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New Ways to Support

If this has helped you, please share it with a friend. Also, consider a one-time donation of $5 to “Buy me a Coffee.” Just click on the yellow banner on the right that says, “Buy Me A Coffee.” (scroll down if you’re on a cell phone) You’ll get a personalized Thank You from me!

Well this is unexpected. I’m going to Atlanta for the first ever conference for Women Podcasters. SHE PODCASTS LIVE, 2019!

Can I get an Amen? A hallelujah ?

That’s okay, I get it. Big whoop. But in all honesty, for me, it really IS big whoop. I only DREAMED of going. I bought 2 tickets thinking I could go with a friend. Now, my friends are totally awesome and would do almost anything for me, but I just couldn’t ask. They have full, busy lives themselves, and no one was into podcasting or anything tech related, so I gave up on the idea of going. Which is ironic because my motto is, “Keep looking up and never give up.” Before I had health issues I would have gone solo and had a great time, but not anymore.

Meanwhile, my hubby got some time off so we could visit the grandkids. Visit the grands? Turns out they’re already quite busy being awesome teenagers, “So maybe you and Dad could come another time?” said my darling daughter. So that’s out.

There’s only one thing left to do: my hubby turns and asks me if I would want to go to “that women’s podcast conference thing”……. Well, YEAH!

So things have been flying around here, Airline tickets, Hotel reservations, packing, cleaning the house. Okay, maybe not so much that last one…

I’m hoping this conference will get me back on track with my podcasts again. I have several “in the can” but have lost the confidence (yes, I’ll admit it) and the focus to finish their production. Fingers crossed this conference will be the laxative to get things moving again. Because I really want my life back. I love the researching, recording, editing, and learning new things. It gets my heart racing.

And that brings us to the reason why I won’t travel alone. My health. Or lack thereof. Lately I’ve become an armchair expert in pain management, physical therapy, micronutrients and nature walks, and all the effects of hEDS. All just to make it through each day. I have a condition called hypermobile elhers danlos syndrome, or hEDS for short. It’s a genetic connective tissue disorder that affects the joints, blood vessels and organs, skin, eyes, teeth, pretty much the whole body tries to fall apart. My son lovingly refers to me as, “A hot mess.” Gee, thanks, child of my loins. I joke, but it’s a pretty painful condition. (You can see cute memes about living with hEDS from A-Z at My Stripy Life.)

I can’t believe we’re taking this trip. My happily hot mess self and my dazed “What have I done?” husband. So if you happen to be in Atlanta at the She Podcast Live Conference and you see an older man looking like he lost his wife to technology (again), just show him to the nearest coffee shop or sports bar and he’ll happily chill.

And me? I only hope I have enough time and energy to get to all the amazing sessions! If I do I’ll be falling apart with joy!

Easy #TechTuesday

Amazon Alexa Echo Dot Setup 

I love getting questions in one of Positively Life’s Facebook group called “Tech Time, Silver Edition.” We’re just having fun learning about the tech in our world, and sharing simple tips that help us live better with all our gadgets– and stay safer online. Click here to join.

Recently, Cynthia asked me how to set up her own Amazon Echo Dot. Great question! I have three of them in my home and use them every day. I’ll do a future post on all the ways to safely use an Alexa Echo, but for today let’s get that Alexa out of the box and set up -in just 10 minutes!

(Some of these step-by-step directions are in the App itself, but I included them here just so you can see what’s asked during setup.) 

1. Unbox, remove all plastic covers, connect the power cord to the device
2. On your smart phone, go to the App Store; type echo in the search bar, click on the echo word that appears, it will take you to  the “Amazon Alexa” app. Click to download.
3. Open the Alexa app and login. You will need to know your Amazon account login and password.  
4. Open the Alexa App, go to Settings; click New Device. Watch my iPhone video as I walk you trough the next 4 steps.
5. Select the device you are setting up; Amazon Echo
6. Choose the type of device you have. (The Echo Dot is the one that looks like a hockey puck. The more expensive Echo is a tall cylinder)
7. Choose the picture of the “generation” of Echo you have. 
8. It will tell you to turn on your Alexa device. (Turn on the Alexa by pressing the dot on top of the device. The light ring will spin for a bit as it boots us)
9. When the light ring turns orange, ou are now ready to connect your Echo to your WiFi. If you don’t see a spinning ring of orange, unplug your device, wait a few seconds, and plug it back in again

Connecting your Echo to Wifi: 

1. Open up the Settings app on your iPhone, click on “WiFi”
2. The Amazon name will appear, this is your Echo device, click on that
3. When the device connects to your WiFi, it will begin talking to you. Follow the directions that Alexa tells you do.

Return to the  Alexa App on your phone to finish the setup by following the step-by-step directions for a more personalized experience. 

Congrats! You’ve set up your device! (If all this still seems like too much, just plug in your Alexa and let her do her thing. She’ll actually help you through most of this.)

Useful Hints You’ll Want to Read:

*It will take a few days for your Alexa to “smarten-up” In the beginning,  the Artificial Intelligence  (ai) is learning the sounds of your speech, so you may need to repeat, or change the wording of your request until Alexa knows what you want. 

*By adding “Skills” to your Alexa app, you will find Alexa much more useful and personalized.

*It’s hard at first to remember that you need to start EVERY command with “ALEXA” That is the word that wakes it up. 

*Best time to buy an Alexa is Amazon Prime day in July, or on Black Friday/Cyber Monday in November. 

*During set up of the Alexa app it asks you to “connect your contacts” I personally DO NOT recommend doing that. Just click the “later” button. Connecting contacts shares a great deal of information to Amazon. However, if you want to make phone calls through your Alexa, you WILL need to add your contacts as this is the only way to call people using the echo. 

“You Have a New Update Available for Your Phone”

Uggh. Have you ever installed an update only to discover new problems you now have to live with until the next update? Would waiting a few days have saved you time in the long run?

Rumor has it that a new update is coming for iPhone users, and those of us who have the iPhone 6, SE, or iPad mini may not be very happy about it. You can read more about it at MacWorld or by clicking here.

Here’s what used to happen in my home: 

My husband would update his phone as soon as it became available because he didn’t like those “update” messages popping up every day. Then he’d get frustrated because changes were made to his phone. So I’d go into his phone’s settings to try to solve the problem but sometimes I’d just have to admit, “Sorry, but you’re going to have to live with it for a while.”

On the other hand, my phone’s memory was usually so full that no update could be installed until I either removed a large app like Facebook or deleted some music. So while I was waiting to clear up some memory, my husband and many others had moved on to dealing with the problems caused by their recent updates. 

Should we wait to install an update? Here’s my two cents…

It depends on the reason for the update.

If you hear that there is a major security breach and updating will keep you safer, update immediately. No question. Many updates help our phones stay safe from the latest hacks. In fact, the Federal Communications Commission has a page that tells how important it is to keep your phone’s operating system up to date.

Any other time, though, I’ll usually wait 5-10 days. This gives others a chance to install the update, find the bugs, and report them. The company then repairs the bugs and sends out a “fix” in a new update. Apple is pretty good about having the fix available within two weeks.

How do you know when the fixed update is available? Look for the update number with an extension. So update 12.2 becomes 12.2.1.

Another way to make sure you are updating the fixed version is to look at the date and description. It’ll usually say something like “This update fixes problems with a recent update.”

What to do in the meantime about those pesky pop-up reminders? 

I just click on “Remind me later” and figure the seconds it takes to touch my screen beats the constant frustration of having my phone bugged with problems for the next two weeks. If you don’t want your phone to automatically update at night, but you accidentally clicked on “update later,” you can just shut your phone off or put it in airplane mode each night until you are ready to install.

And if you are one of the lucky owners of an iPhone 6, SE or iPad mini? You can skip the updates from here on, but you may be putting your security at risk. Instead, I’d say wait at least two or three weeks and let the dust settle before you dive in to the update. By then you will at least know what problems to expect. Maybe they won’t even affect your own phone habits as much as the critics are predicting.

What if you have a phone other than an iPhone?

     To see if your Samsung Galaxy phone needs updating click here.

     For Google Pixel phone updates, click here. 

For other types, refer to the website of your brand of phone.

Let me know if you’ve got any questions or comments about updating.

This article was written for our Facebook group that shares easy tech tips and ideas. We believe technology can help the ordinary person in extraordinary ways without having to be a techno-whiz. Until I can find a permanent name, I’m calling the group Helping Our Seniors Enrich Their Lives with Technology. I hope you’ll join us!

Today in episode 9 we’ll bust the three myths of meditation and I’ll share my three favorite types. I also reveal what kind of meditation is the very best for your health. Plus, stick around because there is a bonus for you at the end!

00:01:10 Can you think of one person that has such a deep peace in their spirit that you feel calmer just by being around them? Finding that level of peace is something I’ve been working on lately. I’ve always thought one of the best things we can do for our friends and family during a time of stress is to have our own reservoir of inner calm, ready to share with others. If you’ve been interested in meditation but you have some questions, then its time to find out what’s keeping you from having this peace in your life. 

00:02:35 Myth #1 It’s not going to work for me. There are many types of meditation out there; it’s important to find one that syncs with you and your background. The best meditation is the one that you want to come back to, day after day. Just remember: Don’t Give Up. Everyone’s mind wanders during meditation, but if you bring your focus back to your breathing and keep moving on, you’ll see the results over time. 

00:03:53 Myth #2 There’s no time; there’s no place. Meditation isn’t defined by a place, a pose or a practice. It can be as simple as just focusing on having a steady, slow breath for a few moments in the middle of a hectic day. There are many ways to gain this peace and calmness in your life, but my favorites have always been these three: walking meditation, controlled breathing and scripture meditation. If you would be interested in finding out more about my podcast on scripture meditation, you can go to restingintheword.org.

00:08:17 My other podcast is a guided scripture meditation to aid in sleep. You can find it at restingintheword.org

00:08:43 Myth #3 You can’t prove it works. Yes, scientific studies have proven that meditation does work to reduce anxiety and depression, heart disease, diabetes, improve sleep and your immune system. Want the facts? Here’s the scientific research you need!

• Meditation and Depression (study from Harvard)
• Study on Controlled Breathing
• Meditation and Cardiovascular Risk Reduction
• Meditation and Blood Pressure
• Increase Focus and Attention 
• Meditation and Better Sleep
• Meditation and Auto-Immune Disorders
• Meditation and Diabetes
• Meditation Alters Networks in the Brain and Improves Emotional and Physical Well Being